In October 1930, Patricia Jean Mumford “fell into a round tub filled with scalding hot water prepared by her mother to wash the kitchen floor at their home . . .” Her mother “had the kitchen blocked off with chairs, closing the kitchen off. Patricia crawled over chairs and fell into the tub of water, scalding her body.”¹ The 2 1/2-yr-old would later die from the injuries sustained in the accident at St. Joseph Hospital in Aberdeen, Washington.

I have heard this story my whole life. I imagine the incident haunted my great-grandmother her whole life. I heard the story from Patricia’s younger sister–my maternal grandmother–and my mom, but never from my great-grandma herself.

I have always assumed that my great-grandma had just turned away for a few seconds to get something when the accident happened. But because she never spoke of it, I was left to fill-in some of the details in my head.

I found out recently a detail of the story that teaches me a profound lesson.

My grandmother was actually not alone when the accident happened. She had employed her teenage niece to watch Patricia while she was doing some chores around the house. And, in a moment of inattention on the part of the niece, the accident occurred.

This was the same niece I interacted with and knew growing up, who was sort of like a great-aunt to me. The same niece I remember sitting in a lawn chair in Grandma’s backyard on summer evenings–laughing and enjoying time with family. The same niece that my grandma loved and cared for as her own. The same niece that my grandmother never mentioned, let alone blamed, in conjunction with the accident that took her daughter’s life.

What a powerful lesson to me…

Because my grandma never spoke of it, I didn’t learn this detail about her niece for almost 50 years. Perhaps she never spoke of it because of the pain it caused her; I cannot imagine the pain that comes from losing a child in this way. But knowing my grandma, she likely also never spoke of it because she did not want her niece to ever receive any of the blame or have to carry more guilt than she already had.

No grudge. No gossip. No fault. And as far as I can tell, she forgave her completely.

So in the end, if I am sincere about forgiving someone who has wronged me, I will do the same. Never speak of it. No grudge. No gossip. No fault. Complete forgiveness.

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¹As recorded by Grace Darlene Mumford, sister of Patricia.

^{Lead photo by Social History Archive on Unsplash (modified)}